How the Antiques Roadshow keeps British peasants in line

Bring us your treasures! Credit:  Olwen Gillespie/BBC/PA

The London editor of Radio Pyongyang, in North Korea, sent this dispatch last week:

“The Corporation of British Broadcasting is tightening its grip on the population of the UK. It is run by a secretive gerontocracy, known as the Antique Roadshow. These shadowy figures turn up without warning and demand that the local population come out of their houses and bring their family treasures to them. They then keep these treasures to enrich themselves. Anyone who shows reluctance to part with their heirlooms is never seen again.

“The Antique Roadshow maintains its grip on power through a vast bureaucratic network of officials with incomprehensible titles, so nobody knows what any of them actually does. Their main job is to stamp out the so-called cult of celebrity, so citizens who are deemed to have drawn attention to themselves in an undesirable way are dragged to Strict Dance Camp for ritual humiliation....

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